dear pen pal ( ps i love you )
by lucasjamesfriar
Summary: Lucas is assigned a pen pal by the school guidance counselor, thinking it's going to be the dumbest assignment in the world. When Riley writes back, things change.


**Penned:** October 14th, 2016

 **Sent:** October 15th, 2016

 **Received:** October 19th, 2016

Dear Riley,

Let me start by saying this is the dumbest idea in the entire world and I'm sorry that you have to put up with it. I don't know how they choose the people who have to be at the other end of these letters, but I'm sure you have far better things to do. Hate to waste your time, so please forgive me, or else this is going to be really awkward.

Anyway, I guess I'm supposed to do an introduction. I'm Lucas. I'm from Austin, Texas, where I've lived my entire life. I'm a ninth grader at Francis Scott Key high school, and the only reason I'm writing this letter is because the guidance counselor told me I had to. It's supposed to make me more connected, or something, which is supposed to keep me from getting angry again.

I don't get it. It's stupid. But I'm just trying to avoid any more trouble, so I'm gonna do it and get it over with.

Don't feel like you have to write back, I would understand if you didn't. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say because no one has written a letter since 1857 or something.

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** October 20th, 2016

 **Sent:** October 20th, 2016

 **Received:** October 24th, 2016

Dear Lucas,

I know you won't believe me, but I was so excited to get this in the mail. I don't think I've ever gotten a letter in my life, and definitely not one I was this excited about. So consider yourself officially anticipated.

As for the people who get chosen to get these things, we sign up for it. Maybe you think it's silly, but I've always wanted a pen pal and my dad helped me find the right program. My dad is a teacher, so he knows lots of stuff like this.

So time for my introduction! I'm Riley, but my best friend calls me Riles. She also calls me honey, but only because I call her peaches. We've known each other for a long time. I don't know how nicknames stick, but these did, so here we are!

I live in New York with my mom, dad, and younger brother. I attend school at Abigail Adams high school, and am currently on the newspaper staff and junior varsity cheerleading team. I don't get to actually cheer much, but I have the pom-poms and that's all that matters. My favorite color is purple, I have watched every episode of Red Planet Diaries more than once (it's a sci-fi romance, have you seen it?), and one time I saw Sheppard perform live because my uncle is a senator and somehow got them to perform at my spring semi-formal in eighth grade.

That seems like a lot now that I reread it. But I'm sure you'll have questions. Since you said you didn't know what else to say, some questions I have for you:

What's your favorite color? Favorite animal? Deepest darkest secret? Chocolate or licorice? Have you ever broken a bone? If you had a magical button that allowed you to save the world via world peace but you'd have to give up your family and friends in exchange, would you do it?

Sorry, that last one is a little dark. But it's what I got! Looking forward to getting your next letter.

Sincerely,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** October 31st, 2016

 **Sent:** November 1st, 2016

 **Received:** November 4th, 2016

Dear Riley,

Happy Halloween. I don't know why I'm bothering to say that to you considering when you read this it won't be Halloween anymore, but it's the thought that counts I guess.

I originally wasn't going to do anything, but Asher's little siblings are still going trick-or-treating and he doesn't want to go alone, so the rest of us are going along with them. I'm dressed as Luke (Luke-as?) Skywalker, and my best friend Zay is going as Han. We don't have a lot of girl friends, so his pug is going to be our Leia.

I had to look up Sheppard on the library computer because I had no idea what that was. How does being a senator equal knowing some Australian pop band? Is your uncle in the mafia?

In case you were wondering, some facts from the Wikipedia page: three of them are siblings (their last name being Sheppard… creative), their first album came out in 2014, and their most popular song is something called "Geronimo."

It's cool that you and your friend have nicknames for each other. Boys don't really do that, at least not here, so I don't think I have any I could share back to you (although my friend Dylan does call me Cowlick sometimes, but he's more making fun of me than saying it because we're friends). Also, Lucas doesn't exactly scream cool nicknames. Not to me, at least. Maybe I'm just bad at nicknames.

To answer your questions:

1\. Blue

2\. Horses

3\. Don't have one

4\. Chocolate (have you ever tried mixing it with popcorn at the movie theater? I know it sounds gross, but you should try it)

5\. I've broken multiple bones, it would take an entire letter just to explain them all

6\. I think I would, because world peace seems like a pretty important thing and much more important than anything I have to worry about or care about. I'd miss my friends a lot, but they can have my parents

I can't believe this letter is moving onto the back of the page. My hand hurts like it does when writing timed essays for class (you have to do those in New York? They're the worst).

I have no idea what Red Planet Diaries is. I'll Wikipedia it.

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** November 5th, 2016

 **Sent:** November 6th, 2016

 **Received:** November 10th, 2016

Dear Cowlick,

I'm going to need a picture of that pug in the Leia costume like, yesterday. That's so cute! And I'm sure you made an epic Luke.

As for your nickname deficiency, I asked my best friend if she could help me out and come up with some. She's good at them. All she knows about you is what you mentioned in your first letter, and from that she came up with the following:

 _Huckleberry_

 _Ranger Rick_

 _Ranger Roy (if you don't like Rick)_

 _Sundance_

 _Hop-a-long_

 _Heehaw_

She also wanted to know if your best friend was a cow. I said that seemed rude to ask, but she insisted. Also, if you can play the harmonica. She's making us New Yorkers seem much meaner than we actually are, I promise.

You mentioned Asher, is that one of your other best friends? I'd love to hear more about them. I mean, I know this exchange is about you and me, but how can I understand you without understanding your closest people? Especially since you say they're the only reason you'd hesitate on giving the world the peace it deserves.

For Halloween, I took my brother trick-or-treating with my parents. Then me and my friends went to this haunted house. I dressed up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast, because all my friends and I were doing Disney characters. My friend Maya (peaches) was Tinkerbell, my friend Farkle was Milo from Atlantis (it was a surprisingly good costume), and my friend Smackle was Mulan. She kept pretending to hit Farkle with her fake sword, which was hilarious.

Chocolate and popcorn does sound pretty gross, but I'm going to the movies this weekend with my family so I'll give it a try. If it's disgusting and I die, I'll have them mail my obituary to you.

I don't know if I believe that you don't have a deepest darkest secret. Everyone does. I mean, I can't think of one right now myself, but I probably have one. Whatever. That one will come with time, I suppose.

I request your next letter explain at least one of those broken bones to me. I'll be waiting (not so) patiently.

Sincerely,

Riley

P.S. – I don't think I'd be able to hit the button. So you're better than me.

* * *

 **Penned:** November 19th, 2016

 **Sent:** November 19th, 2016

 **Received:** November 23rd, 2016

Dear Riley,

Reading that list of nicknames was the most cringe-inducing thing I ever had to read with my own two eyes. Please tell your friend never to say any of them again. And no, my friends are not cows.

Yes, I can play the harmonica. But that's all I'm saying on the matter.

Attached is a photo of Cookie the pug in her finest space attire. It's a good thing we got this photo when we did, because her hair buns disappeared within like the first five minutes of walking outside.

Broken bone story of this letter: when I was in fourth grade, I was on a little league team for baseball. Back when I thought I was going to be a major league player and the world's greatest batter (I play shortstop now, it's for the best). I was running to home base and instead of catching the ball and tagging me out like a normal play, the guy on the other team literally tripped me and sent us both down to the dirt. I broke two fingers (right middle and ring) catching my fall. Sprained my ankle too because the kid literally fell on top of me and my foot isn't supposed to bend that way.

I have exactly three and a half friends, and they are the only things that would keep me from hitting the world peace button.

Asher is my oldest friend, time wise not age wise. I've known him practically since forever since his mom and my mom were in a writing club together at the library downtown when they were pregnant. They still talk sometimes, but Asher and I are best friends. He has reddish-blonde hair, a lot of freckles, and is arguably the nicest of my friend group.

Dylan is the jokester. He needs a haircut and just got braces last week. He says a lot of stupid stuff but he is also one of the best guys I know. He'd never say a bad word about anyone on purpose, and he knows how to keep things light. I've known him since fifth grade, since he and Zay were both class clowns so they clicked pretty fast. Asher and I came with the deal, but I'm glad I know him. Even if he did start that dumb nickname.

Zay is my best friend. I've known him since second grade. He moved in down the street from me and we've been best friends ever since. I don't know what else to say about him exactly other than I'd literally do anything for him, which is why I call him my best friend rather than Asher or Dylan. Sometimes he gets himself into trouble, and then I have to deal with it. But he's been there for me like nobody else, and I feel like that's something you can't replicate.

The half friend is Vanessa, who has been my on and off friend since like third grade. She's really funny and smart, but she's also very opinionated so she gets stuck up sometimes. Like, one time Asher and I disagreed with her about something and she stopped talking to us for three months. She also hung out with us less once we hit middle school and she started hanging out with the girls tables more, but I guess that's growing up. The other thing is that Zay is like, super in love with her and has been since maybe fourth grade. So we never know how she feels about that. She's also a junior varsity cheerleader. Maybe you guys would be friends.

Now that I've told my entire life story in this letter, I hope you'll do the same and tell me about your friends. Is there really a… Farkle? What does that even mean? And Smackle? I'm not trying to be mean, I've just never heard a name like that before.

I can't believe I broke out TWO pieces of paper for this letter. My counselor seems really impressed that we're still writing, so I guess that's a good thing? For what it's worth, I'm kind of glad that we are. You only have to put up with me for another few months, so better make the most of it.

I read the episode synopses for RPD on Wikipedia. All I can say is… wow. I don't know what else to say.

In English class, we ironically learned how to address letters and I learned I've been doing this all wrong. I'm supposed to say some kind of closing statement rather than just throwing my name at you like some kind of barbarian. So, without further ado:

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** November 24th, 2016

 **Sent:** November 24th, 2016

 **Received:** November 29th, 2016

Dear Lucas,

Please tell Zay that Cookie is literally the cutest thing I've seen in my entire life. She makes a wonderful Princess Leia.

Some relevant updates: I tried chocolate and popcorn, and it was actually so good? I guess if anything comes out of this pen pal relationship, it'll be that, so thank you. I told Maya you play the harmonica, and she just started laughing a lot. I don't know what's wrong with her. She also now wants to know if you own a cowboy hat, and if so, how many?

I thoroughly enjoyed your broken bone story and completely agree that that other player clearly doesn't know how to play the game. I don't know much about baseball, but I trust your judgment. What exactly is a shortstop? Are you short?

It was so lovely getting to read about your friends. I'm sure it's not quite right, but I can picture them so easily in my head and they seem like great people. I'm glad they're in your life. Per your request, I will now return the favor!

Maya is my best friend, the one who calls me honey. We met when I was five and she crawled into my window (long story), and we've been inseparable ever since. When you wrote about Dylan he reminded me a little bit of her, because she's very witty and sassy but also has a really sweet heart. She's scared of letting people get too close because of some stuff from her past, so I feel really lucky to have her in my life. She also paints, and draws, and she's going to be a famous artist one day.

Farkle is in fact a real person, and one of a kind. He's a scientific genius and rocks a turtleneck better than anybody I know. He doesn't wear them much anymore, but they were looks, believe me. He has promised me that when he's a famous scientist one day he'll make sure Pluto gets made a planet again, which I'm very happy about. Pluto was robbed!

Smackle is the surname of Isadora, but we all call her by her last name. I don't know why. She's the only person in the world smarter than Farkle, so you know she's a certified mastermind. She wear glasses, has the best fashion sense, and is a surprisingly good flirt considering she thinks most boys our age are idiots. She has autism so she worries she's not a good friend because of it sometimes, but I think she is one of the most lovely people in the entire world and love every bit of her, especially that.

The funny thing is that she and Farkle definitely like each other, but they act like they can't stand each other half the time. They call each other arch nemesis, but like, they're in love? Love is so weird, isn't it?

I have to ask, and you don't have to answer but considering what I just wrote now I want to know, have you ever had a crush? Or a girlfriend? Or boyfriend, that would be fine too! I've only had one boyfriend, but I will only divulge my secrets if I get some back from you.

Also, I'm not counting down the days until this is done. More often, I'm counting down the days until I get to hear from you again. I just wanted you to know that.

Sincerely,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** November 30th, 2016

 **Sent:** November 30th, 2016

 **Received:** December 4th, 2016

Dear Riley,

Farkle and Smackle sound a lot like Zay and Vanessa. But neither of them are geniuses. I told Cookie about your compliment, and she was very flattered.

To answer your question about baseball, no I am not short (I'm 5' 8", which Asher's mother says is tall for my age but she also seems to think I still have growing left to do so who knows what I'm going to end up like. I'll keep you updated). A shortstop is a defensive position, and it's essentially my job to catch whatever I can. Like, if the batter hits the ball, I should catch it. If we're trying to tag someone out, I need to catch the ball and pass it off to whatever base is closest to the runner. It's not a glamorous position or anything, but I'm much better at it than batter.

Broken bone story of this letter: when I was younger, I used to do this thing called mutton busting (please don't ask). Essentially, I rode a sheep. Her name was Judy and she was a - bitch - mean sheep (I tried to erase it but then I remembered I'm writing in pen, I don't know how you feel about cursing but please don't kill me for that). I fell off her back and broke my elbow. She did worse to me, but nothing physical. But that's tragic back story level five and it'll take more time than what we have to unlock it. Oh well.

Your friends seem really great. To answer Maya's question, yes I own a cowboy hat. Here we just call them hats. Everyone owns one. No comment on how many.

As for your question, I know you're going to think I'm dodging again but no, I've never had a crush (and therefore, a girlfriend or boyfriend). There was a time where I thought maybe I had one on Vanessa because she kissed me on the cheek for helping her hang up posters in middle school, but that escalated into this huge mess because like I said, Zay is in love with her and he felt like I was betraying him. To be clear, I didn't really have feelings for her, but I don't know if she did for me and guess I never will. I just hope the two of them get their stuff together.

How are you supposed to know you have one? I assume you'd know, since you've had a boyfriend. I wonder if we're supposed to be writing about this kind of stuff. I don't know what my counselor expected us to talk about. Anger management, maybe. Sports. You know anything about sports aside from baseball?

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** December 5th, 2016

 **Sent:** December 7th, 2016

 **Received:** December 11th, 2016

Dear Lucas,

I Wikipedia'd shortstop. According to the internet, it is one of the most difficult positions in baseball. So you must be a pretty good player. Not that I'm at all surprised. Maya laughed again about the cowboy hats, but I defended you and told her I'm sure you look excellent in your cowboy hat. Or, hat, to you. Pass on all my love to Cookie.

As for Judy, I obviously don't know what happened entirely but I'm glad you're okay! It seems like whatever happened it's in the past now, and I'm sure you're going to be stronger for it. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I don't know about you, I personally don't plan on stopping writing just because the assignment is over at the end of the year. So I guess we'll see what happens…

I only know a lot about one sport, which is basketball. I don't have a lot of opinions, but… well, actually. Let me just come out and get this all down so we're clear.

I'm in New York, so obviously, my favorite team are the Knicks. And this may not be our best year, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we have Melo, and we have Phil Jackson, and that's all that counts. We shouldn't have traded J.R. Smith. And at the end of the day, you know what, it's not our best season. We have a terrible record, we're the worst in the NBA! I am at Madison Square Garden, I see all these fake fans just jumping onto bandwagons like the Heat or something like that. And you know what? That is not what a true fan is! If you're gonna be in the garden, you better represent the Knicks!

I don't know that much about it, obviously. But there it is.

My first boyfriend was with this boy named Charlie. He was super nice and we had classes together, but it just didn't work it out. Like, I did like him, but not the way I was supposed to where I'd want to spend all my time with him and feel something deeper than a little bit of nerves, you know? The only other crush I've had was on this kid Nigel in elementary school because he let me borrow his crayon pack for an art project. It was the 128 pack, and that's some serious currency for third grade. It was love at first sight.

The crayons, not Nigel. But he's really nice too.

For me, I feel like a crush is something you just feel. Maya says she feels it in her hands (she has a crush on my uncle Josh, it's not as weird as it sounds, he was a late in life baby so he's only a couple years older than us), and I think I feel it in my chest. Like you interact with them and your entire body feels lighter and you get whatever feeling in that part of you that feels it. And you spend a lot of time thinking about them, wondering how they're doing, if they're thinking about you. You want what's best for them and wish they were with you all the time. Mostly, though, you just like them. More than you've ever liked anybody else.

I haven't felt this kind of feeling yet, not even with Charlie. But the night is still young, so to speak.

I have to admit, now that you've mentioned your height I'm curious about what you actually look like. It's been fun getting to know each other without it being a factor, but if you were to give me some details to help me envision you better, I wouldn't be opposed to it. Just a suggestion.

Sincerely,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** December 11th, 2016

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Is it possible to like someone you've never met?

I feel it in my stomach, I think. And every time I get your letter in the mail, it feels lighter.

I really like you, Riley. I

* * *

 **Penned:** December 12th, 2016

 **Sent:** December 13th, 2016

 **Received:** December 16th, 2016

Dear Riley,

That's an interesting way to think about it. I've never thought about it, but I guess I will now. I'll let you know if I figure out where I feel it.

Broken bone story of this letter: since we're talking about crushes, when I was in sixth grade I tried to help Zay get a date with Vanessa and ended up breaking my wrist and needing stitches. Essentially, Vanessa dared me to jump in this bullpen and I said I would but only if she would go on a date with Zay if I was successful. I fell off the fence and broke my fall with my hands, and the wrist paid for it. It's okay now and everything, but it's partially why I'm not a good pitcher I think. I almost got trampled by the bull too, but I guess it could've gone worse. Even though Vanessa didn't even go on the date! The things I do for my friends around here…

Your essay on the Knicks made me laugh. In a good way. As for baseball, I don't know if I'd say that I'm that good, but I appreciate the faith. Nice to have someone believing in me.

I know the smartest thing to do as far as what I look like would just be to send a picture, but I don't have any on me and besides, I feel like that would be too easy. Also, I don't know if I'm technically allowed to be sending photos anyway so we may have already broken the rules with Cookie. However, I did attach a picture for you to look at instead. Her name is Sophia, she's a Palomino and I helped her give birth a couple years ago when I was helping on my grandpa's farm.

Anyway, I'm not as pretty as Sophia, but let's see. I have blonde hair, it's not like really blonde, more kind of sandy. I have green eyes. I tan really easily. Vanessa told me I have nice shoulders. I don't get what that's supposed to mean, but I figured it might be relevant. I'm tall I guess like I said before. I don't know what else I could say.

I hope this means you'll tell me about you. You know, for the sake of equality. For some reason, I feel like your eyes are brown. If I'm right, bonus points.

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** January 3rd, 2017

 **Sent:** January 3rd, 2017

 **Received:** January 7th, 2017

Dear Lucas,

I am so, so sorry I couldn't write back sooner. With the holidays and everything I just got so busy, but I kept wanting to write. I started like five letters between the end of December and now. But this one won.

First off, happy holidays! I don't know if you celebrate anything, but I attached a little present from me. Probably a bit weird to show up at the mailbox expecting a letter and getting this package instead, huh? I hope you like it! I don't know if you do a lot of reading but I mean come on, it had a blue horse on it! How could I not get it when you were the first person I thought of when I saw it?

I can't believe it's a whole new year. I always like the new year, even though it makes me nervous. Like I'm not going to do it right, you know? Somehow.

Anyway, Sophia is a queen. I hope it's cool with you, but I pinned both her and Cookie up on the bulletin board above my desk. When I get stressed from homework I'll take a break and stare at my board, and they always make me smile.

The information about yourself did help. I asked Maya to draw a picture based on the description to see what she thought, but she just drew a cowboy (I've included it for your viewing pleasure). Unless that is what you look like, then let me know. I'd like you either way.

I've never met someone with green eyes, so I do have to admit that's what I've been thinking about a lot. I've never met someone with particularly "nice shoulders" either, so that's a bit of a mind boggler but it's mostly the eyes thing. I know we're not sending photos, but someday you may have to send a picture of your eyes just so I can see them. That's all I'm saying.

I do in fact have brown eyes, and it's officially a little crazy that you just seemed to know that. I guess they're the most common eye color, but still! I'm taking it as a sign from the universe that we were meant to communicate in some way. I don't believe in coincidence, so you'll have to go with me on that.

I'm tall for girls my age too (5' 6"), and for me unfortunately, that makes me very klutzy. I have brown hair, it's usually long but I'm thinking about cutting it above my shoulders this summer. My favorite pair of jeans are these flare ones with a seam making an argyle pattern across them (it's hard to describe but I promise they're cool).

I hope you had a great end to 2016. You deserve it! Can't wait to hear back soon.

Sincerely,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** January 8th, 2017

 **Sent:** January 10th, 2017

 **Received:** January 14th, 2017

Dear Riley,

I'm just glad you didn't stop writing because I told you I have nice shoulders. Also, because I would've probably gotten in trouble with my guidance counselor and that probably wouldn't have been fun. So thanks for keeping me out of trouble.

Maya's drawing isn't exactly a portrait, but I appreciate her effort. She is a good artist. This might be weird, but would she mind drawing you guys and then sending that? Maybe that's overstepping my pen pal bounds, but I'd like to see what you all look like without opting for the photo route and that's the only option my brain can think of. Sorry if that's super weird, but if so then I'll get my buddies to pull together some pictures in return.

To be honest, I forgot the holidays were coming up when I sent my last letter. We celebrate Christmas in my family, but it's rarely a big deal. Some years my dad isn't even here. But we always have dinner at my grandpa's house which I really like. So it's not all a bust.

Thanks for the bookmark. I haven't been to the library in a while but just got dragged there by Asher for homework, so maybe I'll keep going back to use this thing. If you have any book recommendations, let me know. I don't even know where to start.

Sincerely,

Lucas

P.S. I'm really glad you didn't stop writing altogether. I'll think about the eye thing.

* * *

 **Penned:** February 5th, 2017

 **Sent:** February 5th, 2017

 **Received:** February 12th, 2017

Dear Lucas,

Sorry about the wait on this letter. I wanted to wait until Maya agreed to and finished the drawings, and that took longer than anticipated. But it did give me time to focus on my midterms, which was good. School is crazy and we're only in 9th grade! How are we going to make it?

Anyway, included are the sketches she drew of Smackle, Farkle, and herself. She's the blonde one, as Smackle is the one with the glasses. They're honestly pretty accurate, so now you have a good idea of what they look like.

I would love, love, LOVE to see pictures of Zay and Vanessa and Asher and Dylan. Do you they know you write these letters and talk about them? Maya knows about mine, obviously, but I haven't mentioned it to Smackle or Farkle except in passing. I don't think they'd mind either way, but I don't know if they'd get it really either. They're both very analytical people, so the idea of befriending someone you've never met probably wouldn't fly with them.

You know what I mean, right? Like that we're becoming friends even though we've never met. It's crazy, but I feel like I know you. Almost as well as I know my friends here. Is it possible to be friends like that, with someone you don't actually know in person? Regardless, I know it's possible because it's happening with us. You're really important to me.

So, book recommendations. I've attached an alphabetical list of all my favorite books, as well as their pros, cons, and why I think they're worth reading. You absolutely don't have to read them, but you asked, and thus you shall receive.

Anyway, get me those photos ASAP! That's an order, cowboy.

Sincerely,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** February 14th, 2017

 **Sent:** February 15th, 2017

 **Received:** February 20th, 2017

Dear Riley,

Happy Valentine's Day. I forgot it was a holiday until Asher showed up with these gift bags for all of us and people keep getting roses in the middle of class. I don't get why the administration lets people interrupt class for all this nonsense, but I did get a lot of chocolate today. So I guess I can't complain.

Zay gave Vanessa a Valentine, and get this, she actually agreed to go on a date with him this weekend. She wasn't even joking or being mean about it, I think she genuinely wants to try it out. So this will either be one of the greatest love stories of all time or end in disaster. I'll let you know.

By the way, the reason this is coming as a package and not a letter is because I don't like fruit-flavored candy and I couldn't think of who else to give it to. So you get my leftover candy in return for the Christmas gift, since I dropped the ball on that. I also packed some of the cookies my mom helps sell at her shop. I hope you enjoy it.

I put your book list on my desk. I have no idea how long it'll take me to get through them, but I'll try my best. I want to hang the drawings of your friends up the way you did with Cookie, but I don't have a bulletin board so for now they're in the top drawer of my desk. It's where I keep the letters too, so I figure it makes sense to keep them there. Does Farkle always look that broody?

Tell Maya she's a great artist. Also, let Smackle know she's very pretty. She could probably do better than Farkle if he doesn't pull it together, but don't tell him I said that. If he even knows I exist.

As promised, I've also included some photos of my friends as curated by them. My favorite is the Polaroid one where it looks like Asher is going to fade into the sun because Dylan has shaky hands and doesn't know how to use his very expensive Polaroid camera.

I get what you mean about feeling like a friend even though we never met. I don't think my counselor intended for that to happen, but it has and I'm pretty sure it's meant more than writing a letter to just anybody would've. You're really important to me, too.

Sincerely,

Lucas

P.S. I don't believe in coincidence either.

* * *

 **Penned:** February 23rd, 2017

 **Sent:** February 24th, 2017

 **Received:** February 28th, 2017

Dear Lucas,

I absolutely love the photos. Your friends are so cute! And thank God for Zay and Vanessa. Definitely tell me how that turns out. Also, I very much enjoyed the treats. The cookies were really good, did your mom make them herself? Give her my compliments. I'm making my way through the candy, I'm hoping it'll get me through the like five projects I have this week.

Maya found it really funny that you sent me candy. She keeps giving me funny looks… I don't know what she's trying to say. But I really loved it. So thank you.

It's funny that Zay and Vanessa seem to have made some progress, because so did Farkle and Smackle! They both gave each other a Valentine but acted like it didn't matter, yet when I talked to both of them separately they were both VERY happy about it. Farkle blushed. Yes, Farkle Minkus! By the way, to answer your question, yes he always looks like that.

I thought of an idea, tell me if this sounds crazy. But seeing all these photos and talking about what we look like and thinking about you - all the time - now and then, I have a proposition. I know you're technically not required to keep writing me after April, but I would like to if you would. So, if you write me back, and we keep up these letters, then we get to send each other a photo.

How does that sound? Let me know. These letters feel like they take ages to get here nowadays. So write fast!

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** March 1st, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Did you mean to say love at the end of your last letter? Not that there's a problem with it, I only ask because

* * *

 **Penned:** March 2nd, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

I think about you all the time, too. I had to stare at your letter for like five minutes to make sure that was what you had crossed out, and if it wasn't then this is embarrassing but it's true. I don't think you're supposed to have crushes on someone you've never met, but I feel like this is far past that. Maybe

* * *

 **Penned:** March 3rd, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Anything I'm going to say is going to be wrong. It would help if I could stop overthinking everything. I keep crumpling these up before I finish. You told me to write back fast, and I'm already messing that up. Sorry.

You can't love someone you just met. You can't love someone you've never met. How is it you're the most important person in my life and I wish you were here all the time even though we've never met? That's not right. That can't be right. I'm a freak. I'm going to ruin everything.

* * *

 **Penned:** March 3rd, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

I think I'm in love with you

* * *

 **Penned:** March 4th, 2017

 **Sent:** March 5th, 2017

 **Received:** March 9th, 2017

Dear Riley,

Sorry about the delay even though you said to write fast. Lots of homework.

As for your proposition (nice vocab, by the way), I say deal. The only problem is I'm going to have to find a photo that doesn't make me look like a crazy person, which not a lot of those exist. But I'll try my best.

It's weird that this stops in a month technically. For what it's worth, I do think it paid off the way the counselor wanted it to. I'm not as angry as I used to be. I don't know if that's all because of you, but you were definitely part of it, so thank you. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

But I feel like I owe you an explanation, so I'm going to write it out below. Whatever you think of me after, that's out of my control so it's hard for me to deal with that but I don't want you to feel like you don't know me or why we had to do this in the first place. If I had a deep, dark secret, I guess this would be it? But you can decide.

I got expelled last year from my old school for fighting. Bad fighting. Not because I wanted to, but because someone was picking on Zay. He gets into trouble, you know, and I had to get him out of it. This could be a broken bone story considering I broke my thumb during it, but that's not what this is about. So I'm technically supposed to be a sophomore right now, but it is what it is.

I don't like fighting. It just feels like sometimes, I have to. Just to survive. I don't know why I get angry like I do sometimes or even how to describe it. I don't like who I am, a lot of the time. So I'm trying to be better than I am, start over and make things right. It's not easy and it doesn't always work, but I really am trying. I guess it's gonna take time to see if I'm fixable or not.

I'm sorry if I'm not who you thought I was because of this. I don't want anything to change between us, I want to keep writing, but I understand also if you don't want to. And sorry for wasting your time if so. And for making you read this long letter even though most of our letters get pretty long.

Included is a photo of Sandy. She's the horse I helped Sophia give birth to, and I named her. I've never told anyone else this either, but I think someday I'd like to be a veterinarian. If you get part of the tragic backstory, then you deserve that too.

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** March 11th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I'm so glad you want to keep writing. Every time I get your letters I get this flutter in my chest, and I don't ever want that to stop.

Nothing you did could ever change the way I feel about you. I don't know how it's possible, but I don't know if we're even really just friends. At least, my brain seems to think so. Or maybe my heart, I guess. I just feel like I care about you a lot, more than anyone else. And

* * *

 **Penned:** March 12th, 2017

 **Sent:** March 13th, 2017

 **Received:** March 18th, 2017

Dear Lucas,

Thank you so much for telling me all that. I can imagine how hard it was, and I'm seriously so honored that you trusted me enough with it. For the record, it doesn't change how I see you. Which, by the way, is very highly. Everyone makes mistakes, and what matters is how you move forward from it. It sounds like you're doing a pretty good job.

My dad has this mantra that people change people. He calls it the "secret of life." Even though we've never met in person, I can tell that there are some amazing people in your life and I'm sure they're changing you for the better just as you're changing them. But you're never tied down to your past mistakes. You can always be better than you were before, even though I am thinking you're probably already pretty great to begin with.

I'm sorry you feel that way, sometimes. Angry. I don't feel angry all that often, but I think I know the feeling in sadness. Sometimes, I just get sad, and I have no idea why. It's hard because I'm supposed to be the cheerful one, I'm trying to keep everyone else happy (Maya and Farkle call me "smiley Riley" so it's definitely my reputation). And how am I supposed to do that if I get these random feelings of sadness and have no idea why?

You're the only person I've ever told that to. I don't know why I'm telling you now. I guess because you've been so honest with me, and I want you to know that you're not alone. Even if we're not near each other physically, I feel really close to you and I'm always thinking of you. You're not alone.

I'm so happy you want to keep writing after April. I can't wait to continue to annoy you with my enthusiasm. I've pinned up Sandy next to Cookie, Sophia, and your friends. They're taking up quite a sizable corner of my bulletin board at this point. Again, makes you feel closer than you are. Feels like I know you.

Add this to your drawer: it's a photo of my extended family I took during winter vacation. The kooky looking guy with the curly hair in the middle is my dad. The one on the right with the big smile and chubby cheeks is Eric, my favorite uncle and the senator. Not what you were imagining, huh? I just always imagine senators as slimy.

On the left is my aunt Morgan, she's an epic soccer player. Then the one in front is Josh, my uncle who is only a couple years older than me that Maya is in love with. He's sitting next to Shawn, who isn't actually related to me but might as well be. He's my dad's best friend.

Is it silly that I literally cannot stop imagining what you look like? Sometimes I make it really wild just for fun, but sometimes I feel really close to being right. Almost like I already know, somewhere inside me. That sound so silly, but I mean it. But I don't think it'll make a difference either way.

I'm really glad we got assigned to be pen pals, Lucas. People change people, and just through our friendship you've changed me. Know that, okay?

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** March 21st, 2017

 **Sent:** March 22nd, 2017

 **Received:** March 30th, 2017

Dear Riley,

I know you said your dad was a teacher, and he seems pretty smart. He looks a little goofy in that photo though (sorry if that's mean). But I don't doubt he's a good teacher. I can see why Maya is in love with Josh. He looks pretty artsy, and so is she from what you've told me. I like his beanie.

I wish there was something I could do about the feelings you talked about. Being sad. Sometimes I wanted to feel sad rather than angry just because it seemed easier, but I guess they both have their worse days. But the same goes back to you that you're not alone. I'll try not to forget it if you won't.

It's weird that this is the last official letter I have to write through the program. My counselor says she's really proud of me for the progress I've made and also that I finished the program in the first place. Apparently, most people don't finish it. But most people don't get you for a pen pal, so I guess I'm the lucky one. It's the only reason I kept up with it.

I've included a picture of my family to make up for yours. I don't want to talk too much about them (not too much to say), but this is the only one I've seen around the house. It's their wedding day. My mama still looks like she did then, a lot of times people think she's my sister rather than my mother (which is gross). Her name is Grace. She works at a flower shop, but they sell other stuff too (like the cookies).

The older guy is my grandpa, Joe. We call him Pappy Joe, but don't tell Maya that. I feel like she'll get too much amusement out of it. Next to him is Mabel, my grandma. She's dead now, but she was super nice. Pappy Joe's whole world.

The guy in the tuxedo is my father obviously. His name is Kenneth. There's not much to say about him. We don't say much to each other, so. He supposedly looks a lot like me, so do with that what you will.

Looking forward to writing after April. This is far from the last one.

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** March 31st, 2017

 **Sent:** April 1st, 2017

 **Received:** April 5th, 2017

Dear Lucas,

HAPPY APRIL! We made it, partner.

I love this picture you sent. It's up on the board, right next to the one where Asher is melting into the sun. Your mom is so, so pretty, so can I only imagine that you've got to be pretty too. You cannot convince me otherwise. Especially if you have green eyes like hers.

It's interesting that you supposedly look like your dad. He's fine looking and all, but I just don't know if I can imagine you with that same serious expression on your face. For some reason, whenever I imagine you, you're always smiling. And it's a really nice smile.

So, I request that the picture you send be a smiling one. Don't give me a dramatic selfie or something like that, it needs to be a pure, full joy smile on your face. That's all I ask.

I feel like I could write way more, but I'm just too excited right now. Hurry up and write back! Smackle is coming over tomorrow to help me pick which photo of me I should send (I finally told her). I would've asked Maya, but she would've made too much fun and this is a very serious matter.

Can't wait to hear from you soon.

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** April 5th, 2017

 **Sent:** April 6th, 2017

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

I'm writing back only to let you know that the reason I can't send a picture yet is because not a lot of them exist of me, let alone like the smile you've requested. Vanessa is going to take me and Asher to the carnival tomorrow and hopefully get a good shot of me then. So I'll send that your way as soon as humanly possible.

I also don't think I could take a good selfie even if I wanted to. Zay's way better at that than me.

For the record, I've been thinking a lot about you, too. I don't think what you look like would make much of a difference in how I feel about you, but it's something to think about when I can't fall asleep, or when I get bored in class, or… well, any time really. It's a little crazy, I think, how often I'm thinking about you.

Not just the look stuff though either. When I'm in class, I'll find myself wondering what you're doing then or if you like biology or English or world history. I keep imagining little things about you, like if you paint your nails or tap your pencil or chew your thumbnails (I do that when I'm nervous). Sometimes I wish we were closer than we actually are just so when I have something I want to tell you, I can just say it rather than having to wait a week for the letter to send.

There are so many things I've wanted to say to you that I never have. Maybe with future letters, I'll get to. I guess we'll see what happens next.

Looking forward to hearing from you, too. Literally always.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** April 22nd, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

This letter is taking a really long time to send. It feels weird to not be getting correspondence from you. This must have been what it felt like to wait those three weeks during Christmas break. Man, I'm really sorry about that.

I picked my photo, so I'm just waiting here to send it. I don't know why I'm writing this letter. I'm not going to send it since I haven't gotten yours yet. I guess I just wonder

* * *

 **Penned:** April 30th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I know you don't have to keep writing me, but I have to admit I was thinking we'd be writing at our usual rate. I want to send you a letter to check if you're okay, but I know I should wait. But I

* * *

 **Penned:** May 4th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I just want to know you're okay. Do that at least. If you were going to stop writing, you could've told me. You

* * *

 **Penned:** May 6th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

It's been like two weeks since I sent my last letter. Is everything okay? I don't want to bother you, but

* * *

 **Penned:** May 10th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I miss you

* * *

 **Penned:** May 11th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Whatever I did, I'm sorry

* * *

 **Penned:** July 1st, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I'm not going to send this. I'm not going to send it, but I have to write it or it's going to make me lose my mind.

Where did you go? We told each other we were going to write and now we're not. All the sudden, you're gone. And I don't know how I'm supposed to accept that when there was always the promise that you were going to be there. When you somehow became one of the most important people in my life just by being you and writing those letters, and now you're gone.

I guess this is what people do, isn't it? That's what Maya is always saying. People just leave. They become close and important to each other, and then one day they wake up and decide they don't like each other anymore. They don't need each other. It's like they never even loved each other in the first place.

I don't understand that, Lucas. I never wanted things to change, I was expecting them to stay the same. I was always expecting you to be there, even if you weren't there. And now you're just… gone.

I miss the broken bones. I miss your terrible handwriting. I miss Asher and Zay and Vanessa and Dylan even though I've never spoken a word to them. I miss the way you'd dot your i-s three feet away from the actual letter. I miss how your letters were always folded so carefully and how they always smelled a little bit like pine. I miss going to the mailbox and finding them there and feeling like the entire world is suddenly brighter.

Maya says you can't miss someone you never had in the first place. Smackle says it's impossible to lose something that was never actually in your hands to begin with. But I have your pictures on my wall and your green eyes in my imagination and how am I supposed to forget that? How am I supposed to just let it go?

There's a big space on my bulletin board that feels vacant, where your picture is supposed to go. It's never going to be filled. And I know if I leave them up there, they'll drive me crazy.

I felt it in my chest. Writing to you. I don't get how you can fall in love with someone you've never met, but I can't think of any other way to think of you.

Now it doesn't matter. Now it's empty. Vacant, just like the bulletin board.

I'm sorry.

* * *

 **Penned:** August 17th, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Just tell me what I did. Whatever I did, I can fix it. Or maybe I can't. But I can't just sit here and not talk to you. I feel like I'm going insane.

Yesterday Dylan was telling us about this thing called a ghost limb. It's where amputees get their leg or arm cut off or whatever, and even though it's like clean off and gone forever, they still feel like it's there. It still feels like a part of them, but they can't get any use out of it. That's what you are to me. That's what it feels like. You're a ghost limb. Cut off and out of reach, but I still feel like you're there.

I want you to be there.

* * *

 **Penned:** December 31st, 2017

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Riley,

I knew I wasn't good enough for you. I knew that, but I let myself get caught up in it anyway. Our friendship. The expectation that when I went to get the mail, every couple of weeks I'd find your name on a return address and it would keep going. It would never leave.

It's been over a year since we wrote to each other for the first time. I'm a year older. It's almost 2018. I'm going to be a junior in a few months. They say it's the hardest year, especially for someone like me who idiotically wants to be a veterinarian.

I'm scared. You told me I wasn't alone, but I'm pretty sure I am. Because you're not here, and you said you would be.

I'm not going to get thrown. I have to get through it on my own. I can't bring myself to get rid of the stuff in my drawer so I just keep it shut. This one will get thrown in there too, if I can't bring myself to toss it in the garbage.

I'm not going to get thrown. I'm not going to get thrown. I'm not

* * *

 **Penned:** July 28th, 2018

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Lucas,

It's been over a year since I let myself write to you. I've written letters, sometimes, but I don't let myself put your name at the top. It's easier that way. I don't know why.

Today I saw a kid at my brother's elementary school carrying a blue lunchbox with a cowboy on it. It made me think of you, and for a second I was angry. But then I remembered how much you hated being angry, that being sad felt easier. So I felt that instead. Thankfully, most days it's easier now with time and everything. But sometimes like that, I'll still feel it.

I realized I never asked you your birthday. All this time, we've both been getting older, and I never knew what day you were born. It could've been one of those days I wrote a letter. Maybe if I knew, I would've written you then.

Maybe it's better I didn't. I don't need another reminder.

I tell myself I didn't know you anyway. You could've been lying to me the entire time, you could've been showing off my letters to your friends and laughing, it could be so easy to hate you. I used to tell myself I did hate you. I told myself none of it mattered. I still tell myself now that I didn't need you. I didn't care about you. I didn't love you.

Even as I write this letter, I know I'm lying.

* * *

 **Penned:** August 4th, 2018

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Riley,

I'm pretty sure I was in love with you.

I'm pretty sure I still am.

* * *

 **Penned:** December 3rd, 2018

 **Sent:** December 3rd, 2018

 **Received:** December 8th, 2018

Dear Riley,

I'm sorry if you never wanted to hear from me again. I'm sorry for whatever I did, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner. Whatever made you decide not to write back, I understand and I respect it. If that's what you want, I respect it.

I'm sorry to write you now, but I didn't know who else to talk to.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't focus in class, and my grades are slipping though even I spend literally all my time studying. I can't sleep at night, even when I go to bed early. I just stare at the ceiling and don't fall asleep and my brain feels like it's riling itself up and going and going and going and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know what to do.

I have to keep putting band-aids on my fingers because I keep picking at my hangnails and palms and then they bleed and then I end up peeling the band-aids and have to put on new ones. I'm tired all the time. My entire future is riding on me getting through this stupid year but I'm too stupid to get past these classes and I'm never going to get into college and I'm never going to be a veterinarian. It was crazy of me to think I could.

I passed out at baseball practice the other day. One minute I was fine, and the next I was on the ground. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not even angry anymore. I'm just tired.

I hope things have been going well for you. I hope you are doing everything you want and that the friends are doing the same. I hope you found your passion and fell in love and that sadness you talked about has gone away. If you can just write back to tell me that, that's all I want.

I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** December 8th, 2018

 **Sent:** December 9th, 2018

 **Received:** December 13th, 2018

Dear Lucas,

You will never know how great of a birthday present it was to get your letter. Regardless of what it said, regardless of what there is to talk about, I'm so glad you wrote. I don't think I could properly convey how much it meant to me.

All I can say to most of what you expressed is talk to someone. I know that sounds lame and probably not what you want to hear, but it's all I can do. I wish things were different, I wish I could be there to help you and support you but I'm still in New York and you're out there in Texas. If I could make it better, I would. In a heartbeat. But I can't, so you have to do it for yourself.

Talk to your grandfather, or your counselor. A teacher, maybe your coach? Just talk to someone, and they will help point you in the right direction. What you're going through is tough, and it's even worse when you think you're going through it alone. But you are not alone. You are not alone.

I don't know what happened. You said I didn't write back, but did you? I never got a letter after April. Maybe it got lost in the mail? Now I just feel like an idiot. I should've written. I should've done something. But I just felt… I don't know. It doesn't matter now.

Please talk to someone. And then write me back and let me know you're okay. If this letter gets lost in the postal service, I'm suing USPS.

You will be okay. I still have faith in you. I'm with you. I'm always with you.

Much love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** December 18th, 2018

 **Sent:** December 19th, 2018

 **Received:** December 26th, 2018

Dear Riley,

I'm really sorry if my last letter freaked you out. I was in a bad place, and thinking about it I'm sure it sounded way scarier than I meant for it to. So I'm really sorry about that.

I took your advice and talked to my coach. He listened, and he's helping me figure it out. I'm not at my best, but it's already better. And that's thanks to you. Thank you.

I have no idea what must've happened before. I wrote you back, but I guess it did get lost. Don't feel bad, I was just as stupid. I should've checked in sooner. Guess we all can't be geniuses like Farkle and Smackle.

I know things are a little weird, but I hope it's okay I attached something small for the holidays. I know you said you liked purple, and Vanessa dragged me along shopping so I was out there anyway. I'm not sure what the charm is supposed to be, it kind of looks like a jellybean? I don't know if you wear jewelry or necklaces, but it made me think of you.

I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. If you want this to be our last letter, I'm fine with that if that's what you want. But thank you for answering me when I reached out. You're really… thank you.

Sincerely,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** December 27th, 2018

 **Sent:** December 28th, 2018

 **Received:** January 4th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

That is far from our last letter. As far as I'm concerned, this is the start of a whole new era. So I hope you're well stocked on envelopes and have plenty of ink left to dip your feather quill into.

Thank you for the necklace. It's so beautiful. You're right, the charm does look kind of like a jellybean (Maya said lima bean, before proceeding to make fun of us once again, so you know she hasn't changed a bit). But I love it so much. I practically haven't taken it off since I got it. Good thing I wear a lot of purple.

I don't even know where to start. How was your sophomore year? Mine was relatively uneventful, oh except FARKLE AND SMACKLE FINALLY GOT TOGETHER. They've been dating for almost a year now. I wanted to tell you, I actually thought about writing you about it when it happened. Now I know I should've.

I'm sorry junior year has been so hard for you, but you know I'm cheering for you every step of the way. You're smarter than you think you are, and I know you can do anything you put your mind to. I will always believe in you.

Also, I hope you know I'm expecting that photo of you pronto in your next letter. It may have been two years but I have not forgotten our agreement! I'll send mine as soon as Smackle and I choose a new one (taken many photos since then, although the one I originally chose was very cute… consider that your punishment for not following up sooner).

Love,

Riley

P.S. – I missed you so much. Way more than you'd think. Damn you for being so missable.

* * *

 **Penned:** January 9th, 2019

 **Sent:** January 9th, 2019

 **Received:** January 13th, 2019

Dear Riley,

Thank God for Farkle and Smackle finally getting it together. They're doing better than Vanessa and Zay, who dated for five minutes in sophomore year before getting into a stupid fight and breaking up. They're still pining though. Zay is currently debating whether or not to ask her to prom. Wish him luck.

I'm glad you like the necklace. If it's not in your photo, pics or it didn't happen. (Dylan told me to say that last part. I don't actually mind which picture you choose. No pressure).

As promised, I've attached a photo of yours truly. Don't get all excited, it's nothing to get worked up over, but it'll do. It was taken at that carnival I mentioned, only sophomore year so this one is a little more recent than the original one I planned to send. But I am smiling, as requested. Asher is also there, but you've seen him already so you know which one he is. I trust your skills of deduction to figure out which one is me.

There aren't many pictures of me from this year, so sorry it's not a super recent one. To be honest, you probably wouldn't want to see me with the state I've been in this year. It's improving since I talked to coach, but I usually look more like the picture. Also, since we've talked I have officially reached my full height according to Asher's mother's predictions. I am 5' 11" and a half, but if I wear the right shoes we can call me six feet.

Thank you for putting your faith in me. It means a lot.

Sincerely,

Lucas

P.S. – I missed you too. A lot.

* * *

 **Penned:** January 15th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

YOU ARE SO ATTRACTIVE WHAT THE HELL

* * *

 **Penned:** January 15th, 2019

 **Sent:** January 16th, 2019

 **Received:** January 21st, 2019

Dear Lucas,

The photo is officially on the bulletin board. It feels like it's been waiting forever for it. It'll be a miracle if I get any homework done at that desk now considering I keep getting lost looking at it. Just been a long time coming.

This may sound weird, but I feel like I was right about how I imagined you all this time. There are little nuances that are different than I expected, but overall it didn't surprise me much at all to finally see you. Is that weird? I'm probably crazy, but that's okay.

Side note, but Asher's haircut looks so nice! Please tell him I think he looks absolutely dashing.

I've included my photo as per our agreement. I originally was going to send a different one, but your last letter got me thinking and Farkle wanted to practice with his new camera anyway. Thus, we get this one. You'll find your necklace well represented.

Just in case I get bogged down with work and my response is delayed, just know that I am very excited to hear back. Feels nice to be counting down the days again.

Love always,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** January 22nd, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Riley,

I literally don't know what to say back because you're literally the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my entire life. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

* * *

 **Penned:** January 23rd, 2019

 **Sent:** January 24th, 2019

 **Received:** January 28th, 2019

Dear Riley,

I am happy the necklace looks so good where it belongs. Guess I made the right choice to get it for you.

It's weird, but I get what you mean about feeling like you knew what I looked like. I mean, we did tell each other basic details, but I feel the same way about you. I guess it just feels… familiar? To look at you? I wasn't expecting you to be that pretty, but the gist.

I was just thinking you'd probably want to know, I've been making my way through your book list over the break apart. I couldn't sleep last night, so I went ahead and copied your list to let you know my thoughts. Overall comments in the margins, favorites highlighted, starred ones next up on the list. If you have any new ones, you know where to send them.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** January 30th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I'm sitting here at 3AM obsessing over the fact that you said love in your last letter. I'm so dumb. Oh my God. I'm literally the dumbest person in the entire world.

But I'm 99.99% sure I love you. The other .01% is just for humility.

* * *

 **Penned:** February 10th, 2019

 **Sent:** February 10th, 2019

 **Received:** February 14th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

I'm trying so hard to time this so it arrives on the right day. If this is wrong, you can laugh at me (and let me know you did), but HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Considering your care package two years ago, I thought it was my turn to return the favor. In said package, you will find: cookies from our bakery (12), Abigail Adams chocolate from the spirit store (yes, they really make this, my dad is obsessed with them), a box of popcorn (to go with that chocolate), and some very tightly saran-wrapped brownies (9). I went with double chocolate, because I know you like it so much.

Am I enabling a sweet tooth? Perhaps. Do I regret it? Not one bit. Eat up!

Farkle wanted to help me make the brownies, but I didn't trust him. He's a bit of a pothead (not in a detrimental way, but he sure loves the stuff, mostly for the aesthetic I think), and I didn't want him tainting my stuff and giving you an accidental high. Or, purposeful, I guess. Accidental on my part.

Have you ever tried weed? I haven't, I've gotten drunk once but only with Maya and Smackle to see what it was like. Maya likes drinking, but I mostly find it pretty gross. I also got all weepy, as if I don't cry enough by my own natural God given gift to cry at the drop of a hat. My uncle Josh tells me I'll change my tune when I get to college, but we'll see.

Hope you enjoy the sweets. And best of luck with your classes! Still believing in you!

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** February 18th, 2019

 **Sent:** February 19th, 2019

 **Received:** February 25th, 2019

Dear Riley,

I (we) enjoyed the sweets. I (Zay) really liked the cookies.

Asher and Dylan can't believe our spirit store doesn't have school candies. I think they're going to start a petition. I'd say I'm amazed you're inspiring change from so far away, but I'm not. Considering how often you inspire me, it doesn't surprise me at all.

To answer your question, no, I've never tried weed. I've split some cheap beer with Dylan and Zay now and then, but it tastes disgusting and I don't really trust myself with it anyway. You know, with the anger thing, I don't really want to test my boundaries of control. Feels safer knowing I'm in control of my own actions.

Speaking of, the mood has been better recently. The school helped my mom figure out how to find someone professional for me to connect with, so I've been going and doing that for the last month or so. It's weird, and there are days where I'd really rather not go, but I can also feel it helping just to work through it with an objective party.

I really don't think I would've done all this without you. I wish there was a way I could repay you for it, so I just hope my friendship and eternal gratitude will be enough.

Classes are turning around. Might make it through this year after all.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** March 2nd, 2019

 **Sent:** March 2nd, 2019

 **Received:** March 5th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

Forgive me for the delay! Crazy stuff going on here with classes and scheduling for senior year (SENIOR YEAR!) and everything. I hope your February went well.

I keep forgetting to ask you this, but when is your birthday? I know for a fact I've missed both the previous ones, so I absolutely demand to know your date of birth. Do not keep me waiting. I don't like to be averted, Lucas Huckleberry Arthur Finn Steinbeck Johnson.

It's March, which means it's still snowing in New York. Does it snow a lot in Texas? If at all? Have you ever seen snow?

Dashing through the snow…

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** March 8th, 2019

 **Sent:** March 9th, 2019

 **Received:** March 14th, 2019

Dear Riley,

Don't even worry about it. I don't believe in coincidence, as I'm sure you remember, so us ending up writing each other again even after such a long break before is a pretty sure sign for me that you're going to respond soon enough. And if not, now I know I can just follow up.

To address some of the (questionable) intel from your last letter: my birthday is September 3rd. My full name is Lucas James Friar. I can't imagine having to write the name you put on a birth certificate. I know you could potentially steal my identity now, but you already have photos of everything in my life and if you were going to commit identity theft, the opportune moment would've been my mental breakdown. So I figure it's safe.

It does snow here, sometimes, but rarely. I've seen it, but only once when I went with Asher's family to a ski resort in Colorado one winter break. So even though I'm sure you're sick of it, know that I'm jealous.

As usual, I am expecting intel in return for my corrected information. You have 24 hours.

Just kidding. Mostly.

This message will self-destruct,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** March 15th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

Humility is for squares. I am 100% in love with you and I don't even care.

* * *

 **Penned:** March 17th, 2019

 **Sent:** March 18th, 2019

 **Received:** March 23rd, 2019

Dear Lucas James Friar,

It's official. Someday you have to come to New York in the winter. I will show you the snow and in five seconds you will instantly regret ever saying you were jealous of me being trapped in this winter wonderland.

As evidence, I have included some photos we took from the blizzard that hit us this past weekend. They call it a bomb cyclone, and just from the name you can tell it's hell sent and not worth being envious of. My favorite picture is the one right after Maya hit me in the face with a snowball. You can see the pure happiness radiating off my frozen face.

Per your requested intel, my full name is Riley Erica Matthews, named after my awesome senator uncle (I'm sure you remember, the one who knows Sheppard for some reason). My birthday is December 8th.

I don't know how close you are to finals, but good luck. I'm sending you endless good thoughts.

Much (frozen) love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** April 6th, 2019

 **Sent:** April 7th, 2019

 **Received:** April 12th, 2019

Dear Riley Erica Matthews,

Still got a bit of time until finals, but I'm definitely getting nervous. You can tell, because my nails are history. Yep, still haven't kicked that habit. Baby steps, I guess.

I'm going into crunch time though, so it'll be a while until I can write back. The school year ends in May, so to hold you over until then I'm attaching a few photos for you to enjoy in my palpable (SAT word) written absence. They should be as follows, if not, the postal service worker stole them:

1\. A photo of me with my grandmother Mabel on my fifth birthday. A rare find, considering my family is terrible at keeping keepsakes or mementos so I had to scour Pappy Joe's house for this one. Featuring my favorite blue t-shirt from the Austin zoo, my missing front tooth, and my beloved horse Shirley. Yes, that is indeed me holding a plastic Barbie horse. I gave it to Vanessa when I was seven because I felt like I couldn't play with toys for girls anymore, but I think about her every day. Almost as much as I think about you. Maybe I should ask for her back. Vanessa probably put nail polish all over her though. Nessie put nail polish on everything in third grade.

2\. A photo of me, Asher, and Zay on our first day of little league in fourth grade. Our uniforms were pretty rad, but I was upset they weren't blue. Asher only lasted two weeks before he quit. Maybe it's a good thing he did, because we remember the broken fingers incident, don't we?

3\. A Polaroid from Vanessa's birthday party a couple weekends ago. It features all the usual hooligans with the exception of Dylan, who is taking the photo and has vastly improved his Polaroid taking capabilities. Despite the fact that she is practically almost sitting on his lap in this photo, no, Zay and Vanessa have still not gotten together for real. He's planning to prompose to her on Friday. If you squint hard enough, you can see Asher and I silently pleading for the sweet release of death because of their stupidity.

Have an awesome rest of April. I know I'm the mess when it comes to academics, but best of luck with your finals too. I'm sure you're going to ace them all.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** April 14th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I literally cannot stop looking at the pictures. They're so adorable. I admittedly sent the snow photos hoping to get more of you because even though it's a small gift every time you send one it increasingly doesn't feel like enough. I spend so much time staring at your corner of my bulletin board I'll probably fail my finals just because of it and then it'll be all your fault. I wouldn't ever tell you so though. And it would be very easy to forgive you.

They're addictive, you know. Your letters. I feel like every time we write I learn a little bit more about you, and the problem is now I want to know absolutely everything about you. I want to be able to write an encyclopedia on Lucas James Friar. Multiple volumes. Somedays, I feel like I could.

I've found myself wondering what it would be like to touch you. Because that's the only way to know you're real, isn't it? To actually hold you and feel your presence and let that ground me to reality. To prove that it's real. That you're real.

Someday, I'm going to hold your hand. I'm going to hold your hand and feel your heartbeat through your wrist and know you're real, and here with me. And then I'm going to look into those green eyes and I'm going to tell you I love you.

Someday.

* * *

 **Penned:** May 14th, 2019

 **Sent:** May 15th, 2019

 **Received:** May 19th, 2019

Dear Riley,

I am officially out of school and on my way to being a senior. I passed all my classes and feel a lot better about my prospects. There are days where becoming a vet feels impossible, and then there are days like today where it feels like anything is possible. And then it feels even better, because I'm writing to you.

I hope your year wraps up well. Vanessa accepted Zay's promposal, but as of yesterday they are still not together. They are "contemplating" as Zay puts it. I have no idea what they're waiting for, but I guess if they want to continue to drag it out that's up to them.

I actually have completely different news after our month break here (again, sorry about that. I wanted to write so many times but there just wasn't enough time in the day. Thanks for understanding). I'm actually considering coming to college in New York. Do you have any thoughts on NYU? My ultimate dream is to go to UC Davis as they have the most coveted veterinary program, but going there for graduate school feels like it makes more sense. But I want to get out of Texas so badly, and from what I've read NYU is a great school.

I'll be going to visit it with my mother in July. Will you be around? I was wondering if maybe, if you're comfortable with it, we could meet up.

Let me know.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** May 25th, 2019

 **Sent:** May 27th, 2019

 **Received:** May 31st, 2019

Dear Lucas,

OH MY GOD YOU'RE COMING TO NEW YORK? I literally don't know what to say. Yes. Of course I want to meet. We can meet at Topanga's (my mom's café), just send me the dates and I'll make it work.

NYU is an excellent school. My uncle Josh goes there and loves it. I'm thinking about applying there myself, so I definitely can recommend it since I'm looking into it myself. Unfortunately, I have no idea what I want to do yet, so you're way ahead of me.

Send me dates!

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** June 4th, 2019

 **Sent:** June 5th, 2019

 **Received:** June 10th, 2019

Dear Riley,

July 14th. I'll be in New York from the 12th – 15th, but the 12th is mostly travel time and the 13th is NYU stuff. The only day we'll be able to really look around the city is the 14th (my mom has never been either, so she has a lot of stuff she wants to see). Does this work?

Update: Zay and Vanessa are finally together. About time.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** June 11th, 2019

 **Sent:** June 13th, 2019

 **Received:** June 17th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

It's on my calendar. I'll be at Topanga's (attached is a Google Maps printout of how to get there from the three closest subway stops) from 3 – 5 PM. Hopefully that's a big enough window of time? I'll be the girl hyperventilating in the corner because she can't believe she gets to meet you.

Tell Zay and Vanessa I'm so happy for them. But you're right, it's about time.

Kind of feel like I know the feeling.

Much love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** June 25th, 2019

 **Sent:** June 27th, 2019

 **Received:** July 1st, 2019

Dear Riley,

Sorry for the delay. There was a scare where it looked like my mom might change the dates, but they're still set. So yes, 3PM at your mom's café.

I don't know what to say except I can't wait. All the things to see in New York City, and the only thing I'm really excited about is you.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** July 4th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

I literally cannot stop thinking about the fact that in about a week, I'm going to meet you. It's been a busy day here with Asher's family throwing their usual July 4th festivities but you're all I can think about. My friends can tell my mind is elsewhere, because Dylan kept throwing sparklers at me. Not lighted, of course, but they still hurt.

It's just strange to think about the fact that you're literally one of the most important people in my life but you're not tangible (SAT word) to me yet. And in a few days, that won't be true anymore. I'll actually get to look at your face, see your smile, hear your laugh. I've imagined it a thousand times but I'm sure it's better in person.

You don't think about it all that much, but I cannot wait to hear your voice in person. Like, when you think about it, we probably read these letters in our own voice, or the voice we imagine each other to have. But soon, I'll be able to imagine your voice when I read these letters. I don't even know what to say about that.

I think the hardest thing is going to be not saying something stupid. You know, like looking you in the eyes and telling you I love you before we've even said hello.

One week is going to feel like an eternity.

* * *

 **Penned:** July 13th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Lucas,

I'm sorry

* * *

 **Penned:** July 28th, 2019

 **Sent:** July 29th, 2019

 **Received:** August 4th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

I'm so sorry about New York. I know I must've hurt you, and I never wanted to do that. I never want you to be hurt, especially because of me.

I just… I couldn't do it. The day came and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because I felt like if we met, if I met you for real, things would change. It's a stupid, stupid fear, but it kept me from moving and trapped me where I was. It kept me from you. And I hate myself for that.

I realize I've probably done more damage to our relationship through this than I could've ever done by showing up. And trust me, I regret it. I was so excited to meet you, but I got scared and it won. Because what if you met me, and I wasn't what you expected? What if I wasn't what you thought I was?

I was trying to preserve what we have, and I think I may have ruined it instead. All I can do now is apologize and pray that you'll forgive me.

Love always,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** August 6th, 2019

 **Sent:** August 7th, 2019

 **Received:** August 11th, 2019

Dear Riley,

It's okay. I'm not mad at you. I mean, I was at first but I'm not anymore. I'm better about my anger than I used to be. And to be honest, I think it would be near impossible for me to be angry with you.

I understand what you mean. I wish it hadn't happened the way it did, but it is what it is. But you haven't ruined anything. The way I feel about you hasn't changed. You're still important to me, in ways you'll never fully know. And I don't ever want that to change either.

If anything, you might want to apologize to my mother. I made her sit in that café until 5PM, so I really wasted some of her own travel time. But we still got to see some sights (see pictures included).

It's surreal, thinking about the fact that for a few days, we were closer to each other than we've ever been before. Isn't that weird to think about? Distance really doesn't mean much at all, does it?

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** August 11th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

* * *

 **Penned:** August 13th, 2019

 **Sent:** August 15th, 2019

 **Received:** August 19th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

I'm so glad for… everything. You're really something, you know that? You are just an amazingly beautiful person inside and out, and you can quote me on that. Remember that when you're feeling down in the dumps. From the way I've described you over the years, Maya has added a nickname for you: "Lucas the Good." She thinks it's funny, but I don't see what's so funny about it when it's true.

Please give your mother my sincerest apologies. New York City is a gorgeous, ethereal city that deserves every ounce of attention drawn to it, and it's a shame you had to sacrifice some of your precious time waiting around for little old me. Someday, I'll make it up to her. Promise!

I've started working on essays for my college applications and just looking at the app gives me anxiety. We're really going to do this, huh? It's really happening. Included is a wallet size copy of the graduation photos the school had us take for the yearbook this week. I don't know why we do it during the summer, but I'm happy to give some to you. A full row, in fact, because they give us like 30 wallet size copies and who on Earth needs that many?

Give some to your friends.

So much love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** August 20th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

I want to tell you that I actually put your graduation photo in my wallet, but I don't know how you'd react so I'll just keep it to myself. Asher told me people are going to think you're my girlfriend if they see it in there. I told him that was dumb, but to be honest, people can think that if they want to. Let people think we're in love. None of their business anyway, and I'm not going to take the effort to correct them.

It's always been you. It's always been you since day one.

* * *

 **Penned:** August 26th, 2019

 **Sent:** August 27th, 2019

 **Received:** September 3rd, 2019

Dear Lucas,

I know you're going to write back soon, I'm sure, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Attached you'll find another Riley Matthews care package. Enjoy it. It's making up for all the ones I missed.

I wanted to write you a big long letter explaining how wonderful you are and how grateful I am for our friendship and how much you've meant to me, but I know I couldn't find the words even if I tried. So please settle for my jam-packed gift and read my mind from thousands of miles away to know all the things I want to say to you.

I hope you have an amazing, wonderful birthday and that it's half as spectacular as you are. Make sure Zay, Vanessa, Asher, and Dylan treat you well!

Yours,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** September 5th, 2019

 **Sent:** September 6th, 2019

 **Received:** September 9th, 2019

Dear Riley,

I was going to send a letter earlier but then I got your birthday package and I had to change it up. So thank you for that, but also thanks for the present. It's all great. You're outshining my real life friends, and they're getting worried. Zay said he was going to intercept our next letter so you wouldn't keep making him look bad. It's his fault he stopped getting me gifts like ten years ago.

Included in this letter is my graduation photo, along with Zay's, Asher's, and Vanessa's. They insisted I give them to you. Dylan wanted to send one as well, but he hated how his graduation photo turned out and claimed there was no way he was going to let you see him that way forever immortalized.

College applications are the worst. It's hard to make myself sound good to the point where a college would want to invest in me. The way I'm tackling it right now is I'm trying to think about what you'd say if they asked you to talk about me. Surprisingly, it's helping. So there you go again, helping me in more ways than you could ever know.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** September 5th, 2019

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

I'm glad you sent more than one copy, because that way I get one to keep in my purse as well as one for the bulletin board. Auggie saw it the other day and thought it was a shrine. He says I'm insane. He's very wise for an elementary schooler, so he's probably right.

* * *

 **Penned:** December 1st, 2019

 **Sent:** December 3rd, 2019

 **Received:** December 8th, 2019

Dear Riley,

I have no doubt you've been super swamped with school, but you know I'm going to interrupt your hard work to say happy birthday. I've missed so many of them, so I have a lot to make up for.

This package contains cookies that Zay's grandma made (they're the best in the world, believe me, and better than any I could've made), as well as some from my mother's shop. I've also included some assorted candy and if you dig deep enough down, there should be an additional charm to go with your necklace (if you still wear it, that is). I don't know if you like cats, but it worked with the necklace and I didn't see why not. So there you have it.

Happy birthday, Riley. Hope it's as brilliant as you are. Love,

Lucas

P.S. – Since they gave you their photos, my friends felt entitled to write you messages as well. So their thoughts are continued on the back. Apologies in advanced for anything they say.

 **Apologies in advance for anything we say?** God, Lucas is so full of it. What a nerd. Anyway, hi Riley! I'm Dylan. Sorry I didn't get to send my graduation picture, the government is out to get me and made my photo absolutely horrific. I didn't want to have to match up to the beauty of Lucas and Vanessa and the rest, so you'll have to stick with the numerous photos Lucas has already sent your way without my authorized consent. I'm suing him, in case you didn't know. Happy birthday, hope it's a good one!

 **All of my guy friends are certified idiots.** Hi, Riley. I'm Vanessa. Sometimes I wish you lived here so that you and I could put up with these losers together instead of me having to face them alone. I hope you know how much you mean to Lucas. He'll never talk about you with us unless we prompt him, and then his eyes light up and he gets this charming little smirk on his face. He's always been a cute fella, but you make him far cuter. But yeah, he doesn't talk about you unless we force it out of him, which is how you can tell you're important to him because he doesn't want us to ruin you. Too late, I guess. Happy birthday, girl!

 **Hi, Riley!** I'm Asher. I promise I'm not as weird as all the people above. The way Lucas talks about you, I have to say I am dying to meet you. You seem like an amazing person. He did in fact give us the extra copy of your graduation photo, and are you aware you're one of the prettiest girls in the entire world? Lucas sure thinks so. I'm not into girls personally, but even I have to admit you are gorgeous. You better know that. Happy birthday, hope you have a great one!

 **Yes, it is me, Zay Babineaux.** I know you've been dying to hear from me, and that's the reason you've put up with Lucas for all these years. In all seriousness though, it's pretty dope how you keep up contact with him. If it were me, I would've dropped the whole thing out of laziness ages ago. But I guess you two really got something special. You make him really happy, you know. I used to think there was no one better than me in his life, but you give me a run for my money. Stop making my life more difficult. Hope you have a great birthday, from what it sounds like you deserve only the best.

 **P.S. Lucas is the best. If you catch my drift.**

* * *

 **Penned:** December 6th, 2019

 **Sent:** December 7th, 2019

 **Received:** December 12th, 2019

Dear Lucas,

Please tell your friends that their notes made me laugh and cry. I'm an easy crier, so they shouldn't get too excited, but they're all lovely. And your package made my birthday infinitely better.

I officially submitted all of my college applications. So now, we wait, right? When I find out where I got accepted, I'll send updates as quickly as possible. Make sure you do the same!

When my friends found out about the letters from yours, they insisted they had the right to do the same. So, attached on the back are their introductions. I hope they're nice. Tell me if they're not, and we'll have some words. You know, gentle words, but I'll set them straight.

Thank you again for the birthday present. You are too good.

Much love,

Riley

 **This is absolutely surreal to be writing to someone I have never once interacted with.** Hello, Lucas. I'm Isadora, but you likely know me as Smackle. I hope Riley informed you that I am a genius, because it's only the truth, and if you didn't know it I wanted to make it clear. I've seen the pictures of you she has up on her bulletin board, and I must confess, you are quite an attractive specimen of the male anatomy. It's only facts. I'm sure Farkle will read this before writing his and get defensive, but I assure you I'm only stating this purely out of observation. In any case, you make Riley incredibly happy, and I thought you should know that. Whatever it is you are doing, keep doing it. Best of luck with senior year.

 **I am not going to get defensive.** I'm Farkle. I've known Riley since we were kids, and I have to tell you that the moment your name comes up she gets this smile on her face unlike any of the other smiles I've seen in the almost ten years of friendship. I don't know what that is, it's not science, but there's something chemical going on there that I can't explain. Her happiness has always been important to me, which means I guess in some indirect way, you're important to me too. I don't understand, but I believe in it. Nice to meet you (sort of).

 **Huckleberry! Ranger Rick!** I can't believe after all these years of imagining your yodeling cowboy face I finally get to write to you. I don't even know what to say now that the opportunity has presented itself. How are the horses? How is the wide open range? Don't tell me the harvest isn't looking sharp this winter. Aw, well, better luck next year. Anyway, even though I don't know a thing about you, I feel like we're friends. Not good friends, let me be clear, but I like you. Because Riley likes you so much, and the way she talks about you, it's impossible not to like you. So don't screw up, but also don't go anywhere. She wants you around, and if she wants it then I want it. Also, thanks for the compliments on my art back in the day. Meant a lot, actually. Anyway, go milk a cow or something. Yee haw.

* * *

 **Penned:** January 4th, 2020

 **Sent:** January 7th, 2020

 **Received:** January 11th, 2020

Dear Lucas,

Happy new year! I hope everything is okay. I know we've been busy and all that, but it has been almost a month so I figured I would double-letter just to check in.

I am so bad at being patient (both for your letters and for college acceptances), I have no idea how I'm going to survive. Hope your submissions went well and can't wait to hear where you decide to go. Wherever it is will be infinitely lucky to have you.

With love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** February 1st, 2020

 **Sent:** February 2nd, 2020

 **Received:** February 6th, 2020

Hi, Riley!

Zay here. I'm writing on behalf of Lucas, who is sitting next to me at my kitchen table. First off, he wants to apologize for the huge delay in letters. December was busy, and then something happened in January which made it a little more difficult to write. We'll get to that story in a minute. He also says to apologize for my handwriting (what a bitch).

So, - flashback to - - let's take it back now y'all - - it was a dark and stormy night - Lucas is literally being the worst and patrolling everything I say. BASICALLY, back in January he was in a car accident and broke his hand. He wants to assure you he is otherwise fine and no one else was hurt, and he also says to write "broken bone story of this letter." Whatever that means.

Case in point, the hand he broke was his dominant hand, so he can't write much. He can barely do his homework, let alone write letters (although he wants you to know he would rather be doing the latter. Just send a text, Lucas) (he just informed me you guys haven't exchanged numbers. What decade are y'all from?)

Anyway, he asks for your patience and that he'll write back just as soon as he can use his fingers again. I want you to know, he really seems distraught about this. He wants to be writing to you, but God, he has to put his health first. What a bitch, the hospital care system.

He says he'll be in touch soon, and if you find out any acceptances, send them! Nice to talk to you again, even if only as a scribe.

Sincerely,

Zay Lucas Zay the greatest person you'll ever know

* * *

 **Penned:** March 21st, 2020

 **Sent:** March 22nd, 2020

 **Received:** March 27th, 2020

Dear Riley,

I don't know how your acceptances are going, but I've heard back from all my schools. Also, my hand is better now. But that's a minor detail.

I didn't get into a couple of them, but I'm trying not to think about that. I'm mostly focused on the fact that I got into Texas A&M, which my mama says should be my top choice. I know it's because she doesn't want me to go too far away, and although we've never been perfect I can understand where she's coming from.

But then on the other hand (and this is what I really wanted to write about), I got into NYU. Like I actually got into NYU. I don't even know what to do. Can you imagine me actually living in New York full time, a country boy out there in the big city? Not that Austin is exactly the country, but still.

Both schools have their positives and negatives, but I can't help but think I want to go to NYU. For a lot of reasons, good reasons, but the main one isn't logical at all.

Any news on your college plans? Hope you've had a good Spring.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** April 1st, 2020

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY

* * *

 **Penned:** April 2nd, 2020

 **Sent:** April 3rd, 2020

 **Received:** April 8th, 2020

Dear Lucas,

I AM SO GLAD YOUR HAND IS BETTER and that everything seems to be going well! I can't believe we're graduating soon. Like, I truly cannot wrap my brain around it.

As for acceptances, I got into all four schools I applied to. They're all great schools, but my heart has always been with NYU and I cannot see myself going anywhere else. The biggest hurdle was always getting in, and so I know for sure where I'll be next year.

I wish I could be more help in your decision, but I am admittedly biased. I know you'll make the best decision though, I have complete faith in you. Always have, always will. And I hope you're as proud of yourself as I am of you for all that you've accomplished and overcome.

You're really amazing, Lucas. I hope you know that.

Much love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** April 22nd, 2020

 **Sent:** April 23rd, 2020

 **Received:** April 27th, 2020

Dear Riley,

See attached printout from the confirmation email I received just a few minutes ago. Made my decision.

See you the fall.

Love,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** June 1st, 2020

 **Sent:** June 2nd, 2020

 **Received:** June 6th, 2020

Dear Lucas,

It's been so crazy hectic around here as I'm sure it's been for you. I've missed writing you, but in some ways it's like there's a bit of relief in knowing in just a few months I'll see you for real. Like the letters aren't our only lifeline anymore, so the urgency isn't as big as before.

Attached are some photos from our graduation. Maya just cut her hair that short, and I think it looks fabulous. She's going to school in London, can you believe that? Farkle is going to Princeton, and Smackle is heading to Stockholm.

Looks like I'm going to need some new friends. If only someone were coming from a faraway land… like… Texas, maybe…

Love always,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** June 5th, 2020

 **Sent:** June 8th, 2020

 **Received:** June 12th, 2020

Dear Riley,

Per our usual agreement, I've included some photos from my graduation. Vanessa is going to A&M, as is Asher. Dylan is going to Baylor, and Zay is going to dance academy in Chicago. So maybe he'll be able to come up and visit us, if you'd like to meet him.

We've started going through things here, and it's not an easy task. Mama's reluctant to do it as it is, I don't know if she'll forgive me for going out of state, and dad is no help like always. But all the stress is going to be worth it. The moment I step on campus and see your smiling face, it's going to be worth it.

I mean, the academics are going to be great too. But you get the idea.

Yours,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** August 1st, 2020

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

In less than a month, I'm going to meet you. For real this time. We're going to know each other. And nothing is going to change, but at the same time everything is going to change. And I'm okay that. I think I could use a little bit of change.

My turn to count down the days.

* * *

 **Penned:** September 3rd, 2020

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

It's been so long since I've written out a letter to you since we see each other every day now. But considering it's your birthday, I feel like I have so much I want to say that for some reason won't come out in person.

You are everything I imagined and more. You've always been great, but it's so much more in person. This sounds like an exaggeration, but I genuinely don't think I can ever look away from your eyes. I know green is rare for me and everything, but they're just so pretty. So pretty and real and now they're with me every day. I don't know if my attention span can take the blow.

Holding your hand is just as wonderful as I figured it would be. Don't get me started on the hugs. Now my problem is that with you in front of me and everything, your lips are a lot nicer in person and I don't see how I'm going to get through the semester without kissing you.

It's almost like a game, honestly. How long can Riley Matthews go without opening her big mouth and telling you she loves you. That she's loved you for what feels like eternity. That she's pretty sure she always will.

For now, just you being real is enough.

* * *

 **Penned:** February 14th, 2021

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

Just the other day, you, me, Dave, and Jade finalized our plans to be roommates next year. I have no idea what to look for when looking for an NYC apartment and considering she's from Michigan I'm pretty sure neither did Jade, so we're putting an awful lot of trust and you and Dave. Good thing trusting you has never been a problem.

I do feel a little bad though, because sharing an apartment seems like a dangerous game when I'm so in love with you and will probably blow it at any second. I feel like the moment I lose it and tell you everything is going to come crashing down, so I'm trying my best to keep it together.

You wanted to know my deepest, darkest secret? Well, there you go. I'm in love with you, and I don't think you're ever going to know.

But you're here. And that's enough.

* * *

 **Penned:** July 31st, 2021

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Lucas,

You are the greatest kisser in the entire world. Oh my God. I can't believe I waited so long to do that. I can't believe both of us waited so long to say something. Although, considering that time with the mail losing your letter, guess we shouldn't be surprised.

Jade and Dave are going to be pissed. Or maybe they won't. We'll behave when they're around, won't we? I think we're pretty good housemates. We'll be fine.

Just means we have to get all the kissing out now. Because if I don't kiss you soon, I'm going to lose it. In fact, I'm going to go find you right now and

* * *

 **Penned:** August 15th, 2021

 **Sent:** -

 **Received:** -

Dear Riley,

It's late and I can't sleep but it's not so bad. You're next to me and the city is still awake and there's nothing more comforting than the sound of your breathing.

It's pretty crazy, isn't it? That we were just assigned pen pals back in ninth grade and now we're here. For the record, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I can't imagine things turning out any other way.

Guess the universe knows what it's doing, huh?

* * *

 **Penned:** September 29th, 2021

 **Sent:** September 29th, 2021

 **Received:** September 29th, 2021

Dear Lucas,

Roses are red,

All your shirts are blue,

Please do the dishes,

Before I evict you.

Love,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** December 31st, 2021

 **Sent:** December 31st, 2021

 **Received:** December 31st, 2021

Dear Riley,

Happy new year. If for some Godforsaken reason I am not there to kiss you at midnight, assume I've died or am gravely injured. And then find me, and for the love of God, kiss me.

Thanks,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** May 11th, 2024

 **Sent:** August 28th, 2024

 **Received:** September 3rd, 2024

Dear Lucas,

Just a couple hours ago, I watched you accept your offer of admission to attend grad school at Davis. It's literally the happiest I've ever seen you. I can't believe all the amazing things that are about to happen for you.

But I also know you're nervous. I know, because you've told me, in those late night conversations where before we know it the sun is coming up and we talk in whispers because we don't want Jade and Dave to get upset and I keep my fingers on you just to keep remembering you're real. Your hand, your shoulder, your jaw. That proof that you're really there, and you're with me.

You don't need to be scared. You're going to go off and become an amazing veterinarian, and I'm still going to be there. I'm going to be there cheering for you and having just as much faith in you as I always have.

Just in case you forget, I'm writing this letter. I'm going to send it and hopefully (if my timing continues to be good), it'll show up once you've started classes. And it'll be the reminder you need that it's going to be okay, you've got this, and I believe in you. Always.

See you in November.

Yours,

Riley

* * *

 **Penned:** October 12th, 2028

 **Sent:** October 13th, 2028

 **Received:** October 19th, 2033

Dear Riley,

It's one in the morning, and you're asleep next to me and everything is quiet. I'm writing as quietly as I can in the hopes that my scribbling won't wake you up. But this just felt like something I needed to do.

In a week, we're getting married. You're going to become Riley Friar-Matthews, and I'm going to become Lucas Friar-Matthews which sounds great to me, because your parents are much more the kind of people I'd like to take after than my own. Feels good to be a Matthews. Well, almost.

I just wanted you to know that when we get up there in front of all our friends (putting Maya, Farkle, Smackle, Zay, Vanessa, Asher, and Dylan in the same room together… I don't know if we'll all get out of this alive), everything I tell you, I mean. When we say our vows and I promise to choose you, to always choose you, I mean it. I can't imagine it being any different.

I know there are still parts of me that need work. I know that it isn't going to be flawless or easy, and that's okay. It doesn't need to be perfect. As long as it's us, then it's good. Then it's right.

In a week, I'm going to choose you and it's going to be the easiest choice in the world. Because it's always been you. The universe has a funny way of looking out for us, doesn't it?

I'm writing this, and then sending it to the future. Five years, I think. Hopefully, when you open it, I'll be there, and it'll be exactly the way it should be. We'll be together, I'll be with you, and we'll still be choosing each other. You'll still be choosing me.

I don't know how we managed to communicate so long only through letters, because I think it's pretty obvious neither of us are particularly patient. But this is something that feels worth waiting for.

I choose you. And I can't wait for you to choose me.

Sincerely yours,

Lucas

* * *

 **Penned:** October 19th, 2033

 **Sent:** October 19th, 2033

 **Received:** October 19th, 2033

Dear Lucas,

I do. I always did.

Love,

Riley Friar-Matthews


End file.
